A Copywriting Exorcism for Online Marketers & Affiliates
If your copy reads like it was ghostwritten by a beige filing cabinet, you’re not just boring people – you’re bleeding conversions. Certain words and phrases are like garlic to a vampire audience… one whiff and they’re gone.
This isn’t about “grammar” or “style.” This is about survival. So here’s your Blacklist—the dead, tired, conversion-killing phrases you must banish. And because I’m not just here to roast your copy, I’ll give you spicy replacements that wake people up and make them click.
- “Check Out Our Latest Blog Post”
Why it kills: It screams “homework.” Nobody wakes up craving to “check out” anything. It’s vague, limp, and sounds like your 2010 intern wrote it.
Say this instead:
- “The 3-minute read that’ll double your clicks.”
- “How one funnel tweak made me $1,427—full breakdown inside.”
- “Solutions for All Your Needs”
Why it kills: This is the junk drawer of copy. It doesn’t say who you help or how. It reeks of corporate brochures left in dentist lobbies.
Say this instead:
- “Stop leaking leads. Start banking them.”
- “Turn your funnel from a colander into a firehose.”
- “We’re Passionate About Helping Our Customers”
Why it kills: Passion is cheap. If you have to announce it, you don’t show it. Also, nobody’s buying passion—they’re buying outcomes.
Say this instead:
- “We hate watching marketers burn ad spend—so we built a fix.”
- “Here’s how we shave hours off campaigns (without the caffeine shakes).”
- “Leverage Synergies”
Why it kills: Unless you’re trying to seduce a bored MBA, stop. This phrase makes people’s brains glaze like a Krispy Kreme.
Say this instead:
- “Team up. Double your firepower.”
- “When A meets B, your conversions explode.”
- “Cutting-Edge”
Why it kills: If you have to tell me it’s cutting-edge, it’s already dull. Feels like a line scraped from a 1998 press release.
Say this instead:
- “Hotter than Google’s last algorithm leak.”
- “This is so fresh it still has that ‘beta smell.’”
- “Click Here”
Why it kills: It’s the stale bread of CTAs. No curiosity, no promise, no reason why.
Say this instead:
- “Steal the template.”
- “Show me the funnel hack.”
- “Yes, I want in before midnight.”
- “Act Now!”
Why it kills: Overused to death. It feels like a used car dealer with sweat stains and a megaphone.
Say this instead:
- “Clock’s ticking—your bonus disappears in 17 minutes.”
- “Your competition’s already loading this page. Beat them.”
- “Industry-Leading”
Why it kills: Meaningless fluff. Who crowned you leader? Your mom?
Say this instead:
- “Used by 7,432 affiliates who actually cash checks.”
- “The toolkit behind $18M in annual revenue.”
- “Innovative”
Why it kills: It’s the word companies use when they can’t prove results. It’s filler, not persuasion.
Say this instead:
- “So simple it feels like cheating.”
- “Turns your dusty funnel into a money printer.”
- “Best in Class”
Why it kills: Translation: “We couldn’t think of anything interesting.” Nobody types “best in class” into Google.
Say this instead:
- “This beats every other [tool/course/software] we tested.”
- “The unfair advantage your competition hopes you don’t find.”
- “Unprecedented Times” (bonus round)
Why it kills: Stop trauma-bonding with your customers. They came for solutions, not a TED Talk about 2020.
Say this instead:
- “The only certainty: your audience still buys.”
- “Chaos? Perfect. Here’s how to profit from it.”
The Exorcism
Boring words don’t just sit there—they push people away. They make your brand sound generic, lazy and forgettable. And in Black Friday / Cyber Monday season or any campaign, forgettable = broke.
So here’s your challenge: Audit your copy like you audit your funnels. Every time you see a dead phrase, cut it, bury it, and replace it with something alive—something with teeth, humor, or proof.
Your words are your weapons. Don’t bring a foam sword to a gunfight.